You’ve probably seen the fan art. Or maybe the TikTok edits. Astarion, the snarky, high-elf vampire spawn from Baldur’s Gate 3, has basically become the poster boy for "I can fix him" energy. But honestly? Romancing him is less about fixing someone and more about navigating a literal minefield of trauma, power dynamics, and really bad puns.
If you're looking for a simple "press button, receive love" guide, you’re playing the wrong game. The Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion romance is easily the most complex relationship Larian Studios ever wrote. It’s messy. It's often uncomfortable. It also requires you to understand that, for a long time, sex is just a tool for him. If you don't catch onto that early, you're going to hit a wall by Act 2.
How to actually start the Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion romance
Most people think you have to be a total jerk to get Astarion to like you. Not true.
Sure, he rolls his eyes when you help every single refugee in the Emerald Grove, but he’s not necessarily "evil." He's just selfish because he's spent 200 years being a victim. To get his approval high enough for that first night in Act 1, you just need to show him you've got his back. Let him bite you. Seriously. It’s the easiest +10 approval you’ll ever get, as long as you don't let him drink you dry.
The Tiefling Party (or the Goblin Party, if you're like that)
You don't even need high approval to start the Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion romance at the party. If you're at "Neutral," you can still talk him into it. The trick is to be a bit of a tease.
- Tell him the party is "awful."
- Suggest that killing goblins was fun.
- When he mentions "knowing you," just say "maybe if you say please."
If you play your cards right, you end up at the bedroll. But here's the kicker: at this stage, he's just using you for protection. He thinks that if he’s your "favorite," you won’t let his old master, Cazador, drag him back to the shadows. It’s transactional. He’s performing.
The Act 2 turning point: The confession you might miss
Act 2 is where most players accidentally break their romance. It’s also where the writing gets incredibly deep. You’ll eventually meet a drow named Araj Oblodra at Moonrise Towers. She wants Astarion to bite her in exchange for a powerful potion.
Do not force him to do it.
If you tell him he belongs to himself and doesn't have to bite her, he’ll have a breakdown later at camp. This is the "Confession" scene. He’ll admit he didn't know how to be with you without it being about sex. He’ll thank you for seeing him as a person.
Alternatively, if you kill Yurgir the Orthon in the Gauntlet of Shar for Raphael, you can trigger a different version of this confession. This one is more focused on his scars and the deal he’s trying to understand. If you miss both of these scenes before entering the Shadowfell to face Ketheric Thorm, the romance usually just... dies. He’ll tell you he doesn’t feel that way about you anymore in Act 3.
The big choice: Ascended vs. Spawn
This is the part that divides the community. In Act 3, you face Cazador. You have two choices for the ending of the Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion romance, and they change him fundamentally.
Ascended Astarion
If you help him complete the ritual, he becomes the Vampire Ascendant. He can walk in the sun. He gets a massive damage boost (1d10 necrotic, which is kind of insane for a Rogue build). But his personality? It rots.
He becomes the very thing he hated. He gets possessive. He treats you more like a prized pet than a partner. In the bedroom scenes, the vibe shifts from mutual intimacy to something much more predatory. If you’re into the "dark romance" trope, this is your path. But don't expect a healthy relationship. He will literally turn you into his spawn, meaning you can never leave him.
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The "Spawn" Path (Staying a Vampire Spawn)
If you persuade him not to do the ritual, he stays a spawn. He’ll have to go back to hiding in the shadows once the tadpole is gone. However, he is genuinely happy. He thanks you for stopping him from becoming a monster. This is widely considered the "Good" ending. The romance feels much more equal here.
- Approval Tip: You need to pass a DC 18 Persuasion check to stop him. If you've been romancing him, you can sometimes get an Insight check to lower the DC to 15.
- The Consequence: If you just flat-out refuse to help him without the check, he might leave the party forever or even try to kill you. You have to talk him down, not just say no.
Survival tips for an Astarion run
Honestly, the best way to keep him happy without being a villain is to just be chaotic. He loves it when you mess with people. Baa at the "sheep" in the swamp. Tell the mirror in the blighted village it’s ugly. Give him the Necromancy of Thay.
He hates "heroism" but he loves "loyalty." If you stand up for him against Gandrel the monster hunter or tell Raphael to buzz off, he’ll love you for it.
The Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion romance isn't about being a perfect person. It's about being the person he can finally trust after two centuries of nobody being on his side. Just don't expect him to be "nice" to the NPCs. That's just not who he is.
Next Steps for Your Playthrough:
Check your approval rating in the character sheet under "Detailed View." If you're nearing the end of Act 2 and haven't had a deep conversation about his scars or his autonomy, head to Moonrise Towers immediately to find the drow Araj. This is the most reliable way to lock in the relationship before the final act.