If you’ve spent any time on Netflix over the last few years, you probably have a very strong opinion about Ben Gross. Honestly, there’s no middle ground with this guy. You either think he’s the soulmate Devi Vishwakumar deserves or you think he’s an insufferable, privileged brat who needs to be taken down several pegs.
But here’s the thing about Ben from Never Have I Ever: he’s easily the most misunderstood character in the entire series.
Most people see the Porsche, the massive mansion in Sherman Oaks, and the constant bragging about his dad’s Hollywood connections and immediately tune out. They see a "villain" or a "rival." But if you actually pay attention to the subtext—and the incredible performance by Jaren Lewison—you realize Ben isn't just some rich kid archetype. He’s a deeply lonely, neurodivergent-coded overachiever who is literally crying out for someone to notice him.
The Loneliness Nobody Talks About
Ben is rich. We get it. But he’s also basically an orphan with a high-limit credit card.
While Devi is dealing with the suffocating (but loving) presence of her mother Nalini and her cousin Kamala, Ben is sitting in a cold, empty house eating dinner with his housekeeper, Patty. His parents are effectively ghosts. They’re "busy" in a way that feels like a slow-motion abandonment.
Remember the episode in Season 1 where he gets catfished by a middle-aged man? That wasn't just a funny B-plot. It was devastating. He was so desperate for a human connection—any connection—that he fell for the most obvious trap imaginable.
When he’s being a jerk to Devi at school, it’s not because he hates her. It’s because she’s the only person who actually looks at him. Even if she’s screaming at him, she’s engaging with him. For a kid like Ben, negative attention is still better than the silence of that mansion.
Why Jaren Lewison Was the Perfect Ben Gross
It’s kinda wild to think about, but Jaren Lewison was actually a full-time student at USC while filming the show. He was literally finishing math homework in the library at 3:00 a.m. and then heading to set to play a kid who is stressed about getting into Columbia. Talk about method acting.
Lewison brings a specific kind of "nice Jewish boy" energy to the role that balances out Ben's sharper edges. He’s said in interviews that he used his psychology degree to help "crack" the character. You can see it in the way Ben moves—he’s always wound tight, like a spring about to snap.
📖 Related: Who Plays in Wedding Crashers: Why This Ensemble Still Works in 2026
The Physicality of Anxiety
- The Stomach Issues: We can't talk about Ben without the 16 days of... well, not going to the bathroom. It’s gross, sure, but it’s a very real representation of how high-achieving kids internalize stress.
- The "One Free Boink" Note: Only Ben would try to formalize a sexual encounter with a written contract. It’s his defense mechanism. If it’s on paper, it’s safe.
- The Eyes: Watch Lewison’s eyes when Devi is talking to Paxton. There’s a specific look of "I would do anything to be him right now" that is honestly heartbreaking.
The Rivalry That Was Actually a Romance
The "Enemies to Lovers" trope is a classic for a reason. Ben and Devi are two sides of the same coin. They’re both competitive, both smart as hell, and both incredibly messy.
Paxton Hall-Yoshida was the dream, but Ben Gross was the reality.
Think about the end of Season 1. When Devi’s world is falling apart and she needs to get to Malibu to scatter her father’s ashes, who drives her? It’s not the guy with the six-pack. It’s the nerd in the fancy car who stays in the parking lot to make sure she’s okay. That is the moment the "Ben from Never Have I Ever" narrative shifted from antagonist to hero.
But he’s not a perfect hero. Not even close.
He ghosted Devi after they finally hooked up. He started dating Margot. He said some truly out-of-pocket things about Devi's appearance ("built like a shot-putter" comes to mind). He’s a teenage boy, and teenage boys are often remarkably stupid.
The "Jewish Representation" Debate
There’s been a lot of talk online about whether Ben is a collection of Jewish stereotypes. The wealth, the overachieving, the neuroticism—it’s all there.
However, many fans (and Lewison himself) argue that Ben is a win for representation because he’s allowed to be a romantic lead. Often, the "nerdy Jewish kid" is the sidekick or the comic relief. In this show, Ben is the guy girls are actually fighting over. He’s desirable, he’s complex, and his Jewishness is just one part of a much larger, more complicated identity.
🔗 Read more: Why the Sonic 3 Movie Logo Looked So Familiar to Dreamcast Fans
How to Actually "Get" Ben Gross
If you’re still on Team Paxton, I get it. Truly. But if you want to understand why Devi ultimately chose Ben, you have to look at the "E-E-A-T" of their relationship: Experience, Expertise, Authoritativeness, and Trust.
- Shared Experience: They both know what it’s like to be the "uncool" kids who have to work twice as hard to be seen.
- Intellectual Expertise: They challenge each other. Ben doesn't just let Devi be right; he makes her better.
- Emotional Trust: Despite the insults, Ben is the person Devi goes to when she’s at her most vulnerable. He’s the one who tells her she’ll regret not saying goodbye to her dad.
What You Should Do Next
If you’re planning a rewatch or just finishing the series for the first time, keep an eye on Ben’s home life. Notice the lighting in his house compared to Devi’s. Her house is warm, cluttered, and loud. His is sterile, perfectly decorated, and silent.
Once you see that, his arrogance stops feeling like "rich kid energy" and starts feeling like a suit of armor.
Actionable Insights for Fans:
- Watch the Ben-centric episodes: These are narrated by Andy Samberg, and they give much-needed context to his internal monologue.
- Pay attention to the "small" gestures: Look at how Ben reacts when Devi succeeds. Even when he’s "mad," there’s a flicker of pride there.
- Follow Jaren Lewison: He’s incredibly active in the community and often shares behind-the-scenes insights into how he approached the more difficult scenes.
Ben Gross might be "gross" by name, but by the end of senior year, he proved that he was the only one who truly saw Devi for who she was—and loved her because of it, not in spite of it.
To truly understand the depth of this character, look past the insults and the Ivy League obsession. Look at the kid waiting in the car in Malibu. That’s the real Ben.